“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?\”
\”That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.\”
\”I don\’t much care where –\”
\”Then it doesn\’t matter which way you go.”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
You want to be happy. You want to feel good. You want to change a situation that is not pleasant. And that\’s what we all want, but how?
SUPPORTING THE CHANGE PROCESS
1. If you haven\’t done it yet, this is a great time to start: choose your thoughts. You might \”listen\” to all of them, but you don\’t have to let them stay.
You need to stop feeling as a victim so you can take the power back. The other person or the situation is no longer in control. As Viktor Frankl said: \”Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms – to choose one\’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one\’s own way.\”
When we\’re in control we can change things.
2. Identify the situation: Once that you take ownership of the situation, you can move forward. To do it, you need two things: identify where you are and where are you want to go. Once that you know both things you can start walking. Otherwise, it\’s a waste of time, as you don\’t know for sure if you\’re headed on the right direction.
The best way to change something in your life is to find who are you. What inspires you. How do you feel about your current situation. What is the gap between where you are and where you want to be. How willing are you to make the change. Because, let\’s face it: change has a price, and you might decide as well not to pay it. And that\’s ok!
3. Now that you know where you\’re going, you need to have a plan. Plans are not important, planning is key. You need to have a clear plan in mind and you need to be flexible about it. A plan will focus your mind; it will filter the thousands of thoughts that come to your mind every day and let you pay attention to the important ones. Plan every week but give yourself enough free time to enjoy life and enough flexibility to be spontaneous.
4. Don\’t lose faith! As one of my favorite authors, Clarissa Pinkola Estes says, \”Do not lose heart. We were made for these times\”. Don\’t accept discouragement from anyone (including you). Don\’t walk back if you\’re headed somewhere. Take advantage of every effort you have made, even if didn\’t work in the way you expected. As for the negative comments, well, consider them as fertilizer for the skills you\’re cultivating. People sometimes have a weird ways of reacting to change. When you\’re in control of your life, some people will react, but remember that if they love you, they\’ll accept you.
It doesn\’t mean that you shouldn\’t listen to what people have to say, especially people that are important to you, but, you need to identify their intentions and reasons. Is it fear? envy? resentment? Then, don\’t take it with you.
We can either make things happen or watch what happens, the choice is yours. You just need to trust the process.